I’ve been away from this corner of the blogsphere for a good long time. As I was reacquainting myself with it I stumbled across a whole bunch of women blogging about growing up in and leaving fundamentalist christian groups. And I am gobsmacked that people are talking about experiences that so much mirror my own, experiences that I don’t really talk about because nobody gets it even if they try to get it there’s such a lived reality gap that my experiences growing up in a fundamentalist christian community just never make sense to them, that in the end you just stop talking about it because it’s too emotionaly tiring

So much of who I am, for better or worse, was shaped by the community I grew up in. the things we are taught as children have a massive effect on who we are as adults and even if we reject those teachings it still often feels like we are aliens, exiles, here in the mainstream wider culture.in a culture that doesn’t always immediately make sense to us, we feel like we are speaking a second language. I feel like I’ve been speaking a second language my whole adult life, since I left my church in my late teens and the people who understood my first language or who understood why the syntax of my second language was slightly off have been few and far between, women who know what gets lost when you grow up in a fundamentalist closed community, women who know what is gained but also what is lost when you leave that community.

I feel like I’ve been given a space to rest, a type of homecoming, a place to listen and speak about experinces with women who get it, who understand without me having to give reams of backstory. I feel like I’ve exhaled a breath I didnt realise I was holding.

4 Responses to “I didn’t know I was looking for you”

  • Sierra says:

    I’m glad you found us! I look forward to reading more of your thoughts.

    “I feel like I’ve exhaled a breath I didnt realise I was holding.” This is a beautiful way of putting it. I feel so much more relieved and grounded myself now that I’ve been part of No Longer Quivering et al.

    Love that Tori Amos song, too! Wow. It’s perfect.

  • Enigma says:

    So glad you found us!! :) Talking about this stuff is tough, but having a place where you can say anything really helps. I cant tell you how amazing it has been for me to meet other women (and men) with stories like mine. I look forward to hearing more from you! <3

    • cartographer says:

      part of the relief is the “oh look I’m not crazy, this happened to other people too” thing. I love that I found you all!

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